i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
