he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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