I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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