hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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