He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
