he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
