I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
