Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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