Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
