I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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