I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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