i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
