Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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