he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
