I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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