we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
