maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
