I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
