textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
