I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
