Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
