he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
