Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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