Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
