Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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