Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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