He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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