someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
