The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize