I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
