well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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