Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
