Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
