i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
