I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
