if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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