bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
