i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
