I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
