i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
