I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
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You took a bar mat shot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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