I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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