The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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