We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
