Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
