Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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