He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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