I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
