I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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