maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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