I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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