she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize