this boner is exhausting
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
