I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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