He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
