I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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