Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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