My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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