Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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