cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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