I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
