What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
People in love make me want to vomit
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
