Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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