true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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