Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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