you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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