i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
