KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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