There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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