I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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